


It Means A Lot

by Woman_of_Letters



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Boggart, Depressed sirius, Hurt/Comfort, I just have a lot of feelings okay?, M/M, So much angst, abused sirius, comforting remus, pre-wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5826373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woman_of_Letters/pseuds/Woman_of_Letters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While facing a boggart in DADA, some things are revealed about Sirius that he would rather keep hidden. Enter Remus to help him pick up the pieces. Sorry, I suck at Summaries. So much angst. Possible trigger? Idk</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Means A Lot

**Author's Note:**

> So I just had a lot of feels...yeah. I felt like this needed to be done. Poor Padfoot. :( Why do I make my fav people suffer?

Professor Dumbledore clapped his hands once the class filed into DADA. "ladies and Gentlemen, Witches and Wizards, we will be learning about a special creature today. In fact, this is one of my favorite lessons to teach!"

Sirius smirked as he saw Remus straighten in his seat. The nerd really loved magical creatures, always excelled in these types of lessons.

"Today," Dumbles continued, "You will be, in a sense, facing your worst fears." That caught Sirius's attention. Prof went on to explain about boggarts, and how they would each be facing one. 

Sirius felt like he might be sick. His worst fear... in front of the whole class? Ugh, and in front of the Slytherins? No. He couldn't do it. He raised his hand. "Um...professor? Do we all have to do it, or-"  
"Are you ill, Mr. Black?"   
"N-no sir."  
"Is there some life or death situation facing you?"  
"No."  
"Then yes, you will face the boggart." 

Sirius slunk down in his seat and tried to stop his hands from shaking. Remus shot him an odd look, having noticed his uncharacteristic behavior, but James and Peter were too busy playing some game under the table to realize how distressed he was. Sirius was glad for that. 'Get a hold of yourself, Black!' he mentally scolded himself. 

The class lined up in front of an old chest. Sirius surreptitiously tried to scoot towards the back of the lines, but ended up somewhere in the middle. The other students jostled around him. He could barely concentrate as Double-D taught them the spell (ridi-something). His classmates went one by one. 

Lily Evans's boggart was some girl with brown hair screaming that she hated her. Lily swallowed, but fired the counter curse. Sirius was too conflicted to notice what effect the spell had.

CRACK! Peter's showed his own dead body-no surprise there.

When Snivellus reached the creature, it turned into Lily, dead on the floor. An audible gasp was heard, and Snape staggered back for a moment, quickly regaining his composure. He fired the spell and her body morphed into an older man who bore a strong resemblance to Snape. He backed away with a satisfied smirk on his face.

James boggart was similar-the bodies of Sirius and Remus. It was creepy, seeing himself dead. James muttered the spell, and both bodies jumped up, boggart-Sirius laughing as if he had pulled the best prank, and boggart-Remus grumbling about stupid ideas in a very Mooney-like way.

Remus's turn. CRACK! -the full moon. Sirius glanced around nervously, but the class seemed confused.

Just a few more people ahead of himself now. By the time Sirius reached the front, he was shaking. The boggart faced him.

CRACK!

She stood in front of him, her eyes glinting maliciously. Dear old mum. "You filthy disgrace," she spat. The entire room fell silent (an almost unheard of event in this crowd.) At least, it would have been silent if it weren't for Walburga Black's continued ungodly screeching. 

"You are no son of mine, you freak!" Her words were clipped as she advanced. Sirius stepped back. The wide-eyed class parted around him like the mother fucking Red Sea. "Pathetic. Worthless. Shame to this family!" 

Sirius felt dizzy. Wasn't Hogwarts supposed to be his shelter? He was supposed to escape this here.

"Worthless," she sneered again, raising her wand. "You deserve this, scum! Cruc-"

On instinct, Sirius ducked, his arms coming up to shield his face. Instead of the excruciating pain he expected, he heard a loud CRACK!

Looking up, he caught a glimpse of a full moon turning into a deflated balloon, and there was Mooney, back facing him, arms spread wide as if to shield him. 

"Sirius, mate?" He heard James ask, his voce ;aced with concern. Sirius glanced around. The entire class was staring at him. Snape was smirking again, and Sirius just knew that this was going to be used against him. Lily Evans looked shell-shocked, Peter didn't seem to fully comprehend the situation. Even old Dumbles tugged on his beard uncomfortably, as if he wasn't expecting this drama. 

Remus turned to him slowly. "Padfoot..." he started, and that cautious, steady tone was what broke him. The rest of the class pitied him, he knew. They all knew his secret now. He didn't want their pity. But Remus-perfect, wonderful, always knowing what to do Remus-Remus wanted to help. Remus cared. Sirius couldn't bare that. 

His mother's words rang in Sirius's mind-pathetic, worthless, freak. It was true. He was a disgrace. He failed everyone. He didn't deserve Remus's comfort, couldn't stand it. 

Tears pricking his eyes, he turned and pushed through the crowd, keeping his head ducked low. People tried to say things, but their voices blurred together. Lily placed her hand on his shoulder, maybe to stop him, but he shrugged it off. 

Once he made it outside the classroom, he started to run. Sirius didn't know where exactly; he just needed to move. 

He passed McGonagall. She opened he mouth. "Black, what-" but he had already run on. Tears and snot were dripping down his face. God, he was a fucking mess. His feet led him up to the Gryffindor common room. He ignored the straggling students in between classes who shot him weird looks and continued up to his dorm, where he threw himself face-down on his bed as gut-wrenching sobs overwhelmed his entire body. 

Of course, he had endured the abuse many times before, but never with so big of an audience. By the end of the day, he was sure, the entire school would know how weak and pathetic Sirius Black really was. Oh, Snivellus would love that.

The door slowly creaked open, and Sirius drew a quick breath, silencing his sobs and going perfectly still. 

He heard footsteps and Mooney's soft voice. "You two make yourselves scarce. I got this."  
"You sure?" James wanted to come in, Sirius could tell by his urgent tone. Then he heaved a sigh. "Yeah, you're sure. We'll be in the common room." The door closed.

Sirius lay very still. 'Maybe if I on't move, he'll go away. Maybe everyone will forget. Maybe...'  
"Padfoot, I know you're awake. Don't pretend with me."  
'Well, shit. Maybe I can smother myself with this pillow.'

More footsteps, and then a warm body sat close to him on the bed. Sirius squinted up at him through tangled hair that had fallen over his face. "What do you want?" he asked, ashamed of how his voice broke at the end. 

"I want to help you. I want to comfort you." Remus's voice was soft. He placed a hand on Sirius's back and rubbed one small circle, allowing heat to flow into Sirius. "Please let me."

Why was it always Remus who managed to break that wall? Sirius was sobbing again, burying his face in the pillow, trying not to let Remus see. But Remus seemed to have other ideas.

In one powerful movement, Remus hooked his arms around Sirius and pulled him up flat against his chest so the smaller boy's head was now nestled in his shoulder. Sirius sat there and cried for a long time, hands clutching at Remus's robes, hiccups escaping when he tried to breathe. Remus simply held him. Long fingers rubbed patterns on his back, helping him breathe. His sturdy chest vibrates as he whispered and hummed little solacing things to Sirius. Eventually, Sirius felt he had regained enough control to pull away and rub fiercely at his eyes. He fixed his gaze on the floor, obviously ashamed. Remus's hand remained on his shoulder while the other one cupped Sirius's cheek, forcing their eyes to meet.

Remus simply looked at him until Sirius felt he had to break to silence. "I didn't want you guys to know," he sniffled.

Remus nodded, seemingly choosing his words carefully. "Why not? We could have helped you."

Sirius shook his head emphatically. "There's nothing you could have done. Besides, it's really not that big of a deal."

Something shifted in the way Remus held himself. Sirius caught a glimpse of barely suppressed rage in his friend's eyes. "Not that big of a deal? She's hurt you. She's you worst fear. Sirius, you're fucking crying, of course it's a big deal."

In the back of his mind, Sirius registered that Remus cursed, which he barely ever did. He ignored this fact and carried on. "I kinda deserve it though." He wiped at his nose with his sleeve. "I have failed them...in every way."

"Since when did you care?"

"Oh I don't really. Not about them, anyway. I just..." Sirius hesitated. "I've failed everyone. It's my fault."

"No." Remus said emphatically. "You deserve anything but this. You deserve comfort, Padfoot. You deserve love. You accepted me, didn't you? You do well in your classes. You go out of you way to make people smile. Hell, you smile all the time. You give and give and give and it's time you started asking because you deserve So. Much. More."

Sirius couldn't keep looking into Remus's eyes, so he chose to bury his face into his friend's shoulder again. Remus's arms encircled him in a comforting manner, hoisting them both into a more comfortable position. 

There was silence for a while. "You could leave," Remus suggested. "Get out of there. Report them." 

Sirius shook his head. "They hold too much power. Besides, I can't leave Reg."

"Do they beat him too?"

"No," Sirius took a deep breath. "They make him watch sometimes though."

Remus absorbed that information. "How badly have they hurt you?" he nearly whispered.

"Not bad enough to be noticed." Sirius gave a rueful laugh as he pulled away again. "Most of the time they use crucio, which doesn't really leave marks, you know."

Remus was horrified. "Is that...is that what you have nightmares about sometimes?

Sirius scrubbed at his eyes and diverted the conversation. "Look at me, crying like a freaking baby. Bet the whole school knows by now."

A thought struck Remus. "Pads...when...when was the last time you cried?"

Sirius shrugged from where he was sitting at the edge of the bed, facing away from Remus. "I don't know. Why?"

"You know it's okay to cry right?" 

He was answered with silence.

"And you know I'm always here for you, right? That goes for James as well. Hell, even Peter."

More silence.

"Please come to us, okay? Will you come to me?"

Remus had almost given up on ever getting Sirius to talk again when he gave a brief, jerky nod. "Okay. I'll try."

Remus let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Good." He rose and walked into the washroom, quickly wetting a washcloth and returning. He sat on the bed next to his friend and raised the washcloth to his face.

Sirius jerked away. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning you up. It will feel good, I promise."

Sirius relaxed and let Remus run the cool cloth over his forehead and cheeks, pressing it gently to his closed eyelids, Skimming it over chapped lips, scrubbing it at the hot, flushed skin on his neck. It felt nice, to be taken care of like this. For his part, Remus was just glad Sirius was letting himself be taken care of. He had a tendency to conceal his emotions with a smile. 

Remus stood, drying the washcloth with a flick of his wand and sending it back to the bathroom. He held out his hand to Sirius, who grasped it and hauled himself up. Sirius allowed Remus to fuss over him, straightening his tie and fixing his hair with his wand. 

"Want some water?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded silently and Remus fetched him some. When he was finished, Remus looked at him. "You ready to go back down?"

Sirius nodded yet again. Remus started to walk towards the door. On impulse, Sirius reached forward and stopped him. "Um...Mooney...Thanks. It means...a lot."

Remus smiled softly, knowing what Sirius was trying to say. "It's not a problem, Pads. What are friends for?"

"Could you...um..." Sirius bit his lower lip. "Could you stay by me today?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

And together, they exited to face the school.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [So Hold Me Tight (Wolfstar)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077237) by [majesticdragonair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticdragonair/pseuds/majesticdragonair)




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